I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
