GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
