It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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