Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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