I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
