All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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