Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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