did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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