Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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