you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
