All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
