Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
