his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I understand Curling. That high.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
