when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
