Your face is a jimmy john
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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