i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
