how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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