I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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