PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
