nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
where does the pee come out of this thing
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
3 2 1 whiskey
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
