he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
