Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize