Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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