weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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