Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
