im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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