his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
