i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
