he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
