There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
