she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
