glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
