someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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