Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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