I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
