DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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