Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
