yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
