the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
