Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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