I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
