Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
love makes seman taste better
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
