I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
