I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
