Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
