Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Watching her eat just hurts me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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