So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
