I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
