It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
