She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
