just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
