why didn't you poke me back
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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