You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
