Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
