you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
