I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
