question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
