i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
