You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
