So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
