dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
