My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
