when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
