I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When are your genitals available?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
