I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize