It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.