They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can't put those talents on a resume
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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