my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am available for nakedness
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.