I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid