At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.