Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick