Yo dont text me then not text me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!