Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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