you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
