i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
