Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
