All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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