That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
