Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
