In America we eat man semen.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
