You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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