next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
