never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
