Soap is not a condiment
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
